My mindset, my understanding, Antisocialization Theory, my apparently innate actuarial sense, all these I cannot separate from my life’s path, from what in arithmetic or math would be the Order of Operations, meaning which parts of a complex problem we solve first. The OOO is a standard, so that math is the same every time you do it, and of course the metaphor doesn’t extend that far, only in that with the order in which I learned anything and made my solutions, I have indeed found a different, non-standard answer from most people’s answer.

Of course, in theory there is no official OOO standard for human life, but from where I have found myself, it sure looks like there must be, rather it is so ubiquitous there has been no need to document it, like most people never read a walking or a breathing how-to book.

Stubborn Autistic child, little Aspie supremacist that I must have been, my own developmental issues never suggested to me that maybe my sense of outrage over the “spanking,”  around me – anyone would grant that as euphemism – was part of my . . . I’m going to generically say, backwardness. No matter what a classical idiot I may have been, this was obvious, what this violence was doing to the kids around me and they weren’t “learning right from wrong,” at least they weren’t being pushed to the “right,” side.

And that’s where we leave each other, the world and I, you and I almost certainly.

All those beaten kids joined that world, near as I can see, learned their lessons, joined the mass error and everything is wrong in the world from when we were all children, you and the world have proceeded from this wrong turn forever and I cannot even talk to you. In your world, deterrents are real things that are supposed to change the world for the better while the actual abuse of the punishments are written off as unintended consequences and are not supposed to change the world.

I had two ideas, one, that human minds simply have this mad bias, part of the warrior mentality, the majority human mindset is often, if in other conversations, spoken of as geared to primate group conflict, and two, that the abuse makes fighters of us, an epigenetic effect – this is Antisocialization Theory, which I imagined to explain humanity in general, when I thought I was a one-off freak about it.

Part of my OOO is that I had forty years to ponder it before I ever heard of Autism, AST was supposed to explain us all. Well, except, me, with my saviour complex about it. Things are quite different for the undiagnosed aspie. I say this as a slur, not as an out of date diagnostic term, but to describe an undiagnosed Autist with the processing to mask and pass themself off as “smart and weird and arrogant.” It is easy to see that it would be difficult to keep up the arrogance of the classic disliked aspie person if you had grown up with any sort of a diagnosis, with doctors around trying to repair you all your life, but I had no such support.

I’m sure I was a well known R-word as a child in the sixties, but once I went to school and found my IQ, I forgot all of that. Since I won a few awards in grade one, I’ve basically been an undiagnosed arrogant aspie prick with a better idea about everything you ever thought or did. Apparently Dad used to get fired on the regular for knowing how to do it better than every boss too, or thinking he did.

The point of all that is just to say, I never believed the ball busting, never believed all the adults or anybody else that “I” was the problem, like, I never spent a minute of my life thinking “normal people good,” and me bad, or normal people good and Autistics bad. I have a low self image against some abstract absolute in my mind, but against humans, no, no, sorry, not so much. I don’t believe in your mad cult of punishment and, maybe because, I don’t have that low self image we’re all supposed to have, like we all deserve it. So I don’t see the world the same way up as you do, I don’t think the group knows better than I do.

That means Mom, teachers, doctors. I learned my school lessons, I take doctors seriously regarding medicine – but I give them all a nasty aspie supremacist snort if they try to tell me about children or authority or power or life.

I always felt normal and logical within myself, and it was always “everyone else,” who didn’t, and so still, I don’t see Autism as a medical problem, certainly not as any sort of a poisoning – I don’t even think “Autism,” is the salient collection of traits that needs a word, well everything needs a word, but not as much as the majority collection of traits needs a word, well it has a word, Allistic, but it needs a definition.

I am getting further from my goal here, perhaps it’s time to stop infodumping, cut my losses and run to the end, see how far I’ve missed by.

I have yet to detect any minds that seem to echo mine in a year and some online, the Autists speak the language of the punishment cult same as regular folks do, I mean of course all the usual limits of knowledge apply, no-one can learn what is always hidden, what is beyond the deconstructionist horizon, what is outside of the present episteme. Raised in it, heard it all day long forever and naught else, no blame, Geezuz. Gaslit to death about it, we all are.

But they think “Autism,” is a thing, and sort of accept the normal as normal, as not needing to be nailed down and defined, and they talk about psychology, which for me, it’s all just Allistic psychology to me now, warrior society psychology, written to keep you strong and with nothing to say about a little parental discipline. They speak, like all marginalized groups, of their specific persecution, as though they have an enemy that only persecutes them, as if the persecution is about them.

Of course that’s what the persecutors say, “Autism,” is a problem – but they do say that to everybody, don’t they? Of course it is persecutors in general that are the problem, but again, you all speak their language, not mine.

Don’t you.

This arrogant prick is alone in all the world, pretty much always has been, and it’s getting old. Just get it, humanity.

Yes, the reference is Mendosa, on South Park.

Jeff

Aug. 31^st., 2023

It’s a term I thought I stopped hearing for years, but it’s back, ‘theory of mind,’ for a few reasons, mostly to do with neurotypes and Autism in particular.

I’ve read that in the bad, black and white days of yesterday and still in the hospitals of today, that they accuse us of lacking one altogether, and this is another way of saying that they lack or refuse the concept of neurotype, that their, “theory,” explains and predicts only a single mind, or a single type, in all the universe.

It is clearly ensconced in the sort of creationist thinking that doesn’t allow that rats and cats and elephants have “minds,” either, again, a “theory,” of a unique phenomenon lacks the usefulness that we associate with our better theories. This is an aspect of arrested development, this theory struggles to be born, right, a “theory,” of mind would need to be a theory of minds, plural, wouldn’t it? This one doesn’t travel, doesn’t carry. It lacks other useful applications.

The concept of neurotypes means a theory of minds, plural. That’s what is required. The theory of mind, in some hands, as it stands is something of a two edged sword.

When it’s a good thing, it helps us connect, when our minds do work in parallel, and that’s how it’s good and why everyone needs it, but when it’s bad, when your theory of mind obscures the obvious workings of a different sort of mind as simply not working –

Functioning zoos do not enforce human standards of thought upon the animals, they couldn’t work, they would simply be the abuse parades of the recent past when the animals withered and died. Modern zookeepers and normal people the world over have theories of multiple minds for their animals – only in institutions for humans is a “theory of mind,” the very opposite, a theory of violent conformism.

One theory of one mind, and some awful mandate to make this obvious lie happen and today it is people that wither and die.

I would decertify the entire medical industry for their refusal to prosecute human sciences and the sciences of the mind with any seriousness, but in particular, no-one without a multiple theory of minds would be involved in any of it, or education either. They are officially not giving humans the credit and respect they automatically and unconsciously give their dogs.

Jeff

Aug. 6^th., 2023

Written on Twitter:

I seem to have had a non-standard experience. I didn’t know, didn’t know to mask, I just got high and went into the breach numbed and otherwise as my weird self. It’s true there wasn’t any social success.

I suppose there were times when small talk seemed easier. Hyperlexic, if I couldn’t produce any small talk, I sometimes said so, talked about that: I’m sorry, I wish I had some small talk for you. I’m here. ❤️

I suppose I’m always wishing I could STFU.

It’s either this or I am just still brutally unaware.

I’m trying to find it, that’s why I’m talking: you know the NT version of “the mask?” That’s the one my people were talking about the whole time, what is not “the shadow,” is “the mask,” the mask is what people allow themselves to see about themselves, our FB selves, while the shadow is our dark side, the things we will not acknowledge, and everyone has one, they say, it is filled with Freud’s dark drives and the seven deadly sins, and aspects of ourselves that we use as insults for others. Basically, your shadow is that bad penny, evil Human Nature’s bad side. Your (NT psychological) mask, is your cherry-picked personality – OMG, hey, it is so good to think in text! #ActuallyAutistic , everyone come in, check this.

NTs have one theory of masking as part of their theory of mind, and Autists have an entirely different one as part of ours, wait for it – so we see them masking, conforming, our theory of mind says: “there’s something more going on underneath, surely they understand more than they’re saying they do.”

But when THEY detect an Autistic  masking, what does THEIR theory of mind tell them?

What is behind a mask in their minds?

THE SHADOW.

Oh my gawd, this is the DEP, they see us masking, and what is behind our mask in their theories is everything they have already decided they hate about themselves.

For real, y’all. This has truthiness from here to Timbuktu, I believe it already. Ouch. (I can bounce this off of someone IRL, one who was and is very into shadow work and such.

I’ll get back. ❤️ )

“Empathy,” was close, that’s part of it, what is buried in our shadow we lack empathy for (repression, per Alice Miller); the shadow is all that is repressed in us, the blind spot.

But these are not two individual versions of the same phenomenon, these masks.

In theory, Autistics have a psychological mask also, of course, repressed things – but it’s not that mask we get caught out at, NT people don’t bust each other or anyone for the shadow’s mask. It is not two psychological masks passing in the night, not a different bunch of micro-empathies from otherwise identical systems like a language problem, but a two theories of what an Autist’s mask is covering problem. The NT only knows the shadow and projects and assumes the worst.

I got Autistic therapists here, right? Surely they know the shadow and the whole world is here before me? The big takeaway, I guess, Autists, get yourself a counsellor that has done their shadow work, one that has the chops to understand their own reactions to people, I’d want to know they had the idea.

Jeff May 4^th., 2023