Hey, the oracle says I have a few followers, which I assume translates to some few readers.
Can I ask for something?
Will someone tell me – is this train of thought hurting anyone? I mean, besides me?
I’m starting to believe my own prose, that I and this exploration are a lethal mutation and that I had best just shut the fuck up. Can anyone imagine any sort of light at the end of this tunnel? I am starting to think that truth at all costs is maybe too absolute, that nothing is worth all costs.
Would you close the door on this line of reasoning?
Anyone?
Jeff
Feb. 6th., 2018
Abuse with an Excuse 
Jeff I have been absent and overwhelmed but I never think you should shut up. You have a fine mind and wonderful things to share and impart. Remember that when you feel no one is listening.
Love
Pam
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Hi I’m the demon of absent friends, sorry I don’t hang around much these days. How are you?
Speaking as someone who survived (is surviving?) abuse, yes there is a light, there was for me anyway. I can’t really put words to what happened to me any more, I think I actually did a pretty decent job of covering up even when I was writing a lot. I mostly wrote to entertain which was my gift I guess – as far as blogging goes. It’ wasn’t even the physical abuse, or the mental in the end it was the self abuse for me, you know this better than I do anyway.
I think I’m ok now, I’m doing my masters, for whatever reason – maybe that’s a distraction. It worked what ever I did, or am doing. Most of the time I am happy, cheerful even but I’ve completely lost any desire, any will to be a part of a couple, apparently this isn’t good but it really does feel that way.
If it feels good, if it feels right do it.
Miranda/Scarlett x
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Hey, there you are. You got my email, right? Neighsayer123@gmail.com
ha, I was talking about the theorizing, the over-intellectualizing part, my distraction strategy is getting me into trouble too! But trust a girl to go straight to the point. I apologize to all women and all psychology minded people, but unless memories come to me, I’m not going looking for them. I’ve already made the huge error, raised the kids first – you know that evolution stopped acting on me some eleven years ago? Nothing, not even evolution cares what old dudes do, and so I’m treating this “do your work” thing as a distraction. It’s mimic meme to stop anyone stopping the abuse – just work on yourself, you can’t save anyone . . .
the abusers like privacy, and I’m not happy to learn that so do the victims, and privately, all we can do is “work on ourselves” – so everyone working alone, privately, on something common, and a policy of no public work on it at all. I see no-one addressing this, so that’s where my remaining years are going, trying to make abuse the public, human issue it is, not trying to remember my own experience. I know my siblings’ nightmare experience, it’s not like I need my eyes opened about it.
So one more victim working on himself, or a quixotic battle for a grandiose cause, it doesn’t seem like a difficult choice to me – I know, not a great sign, but again, no-one GAF what old dudes do. Am I getting into Ahab territory?
(I do sound a little defensive . . . LOL)
So you are talking as though you made it past some goal or something, I hope so, congrats, if so. I’ve stopped crying for a bit, I’m not sure it’s a good sign, because I stopped when I had a loss, but maybe anyway . . .
I’m signing up for uni in September – but I may still balk, not sure yet.
LOL about some asexuality in your life, sorry. I’m so there too. I’ve signed up to three dating sites, match, a senior one, and a hippie one, and I haven’t peeked at it or responded to their emails at all. I’m not even close to it. I’m going through horny spells, but no sociable spells.
Kyle has showed up on Twitter, and Xander, as you knew. Kyle says Lier too, I forget his name. Typing “thoughts” takes you somewhere now, so I never do that . . .
cheers
Jeff
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I do now…
Both in my former life and in my scienceful one now I have to sift through a lot of things fast and get to the pointy bits. 😀
Yeah I hear what you are saying about over-intellectualising, but someone has to, not over, but the intellectual thing. You want to try explaining Quantum mechanics to someone and not have them look at you like you just asked them for smack. These days I start with the Uncertainty principal, it’s best they walk away from you early I think, saves you trying to put things that it took you many migraines to understand, let alone visualise then get the maths right for.
Great acts of humanity are always lonely, actually great things – no matter the subject. Want to know how many women report rape – kidding you already do, same goes for child abuse or any abuse. I was having lunch in the cafe at uni the other day and this woman at the next table – she was doing something which I didn’t catch but she ended up with dirt over her shirt and the guy – who I think might be a guest lecturer told her he likes his women dirty and spent the rest of the class trying to cosy up. Did she report it? Nah, it’s nothing, if I had a dollar for every time I heard a chick say that I’d have got more than… anyway we are not civilised, not at all and it’s going to be a long time before that happens.
Don Quixote and Moby Dick in one sentence! You need a holiday, I recommend the pacific, it’s warm and people are happy. No really I mean it. Holidays are awesome.
Yeah I’m going to be a bridesmaid again, I moved back to the city, I got talked into a masters and most days I don’t want an asteroid to wipe out the humans. Mission accomplished as Bush said. (Cough).
Fuck dating sites where it’s most uncomfortable, they are shit, I’ve been on many dates all of them awful, it’s much better meeting the normal way and deciding to never sleep with anyone again – hmm I’m sounding defensive now.
I am in contact with Kyle and Xander, I never did get on with lier, probably a female thing I think, some days I’d be the bitch some days her maybe if our periods had synced we might have seen eye to eye.
Thoughts is now thinkr and even more shit that it was, I went and had a scan of it not long after it was put up, it’s just awful and it’s sad to see people still kiss Ben’s arse over it.
x
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