“Yes” Parenting

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4 thoughts on ““Yes” Parenting

  1. Cate Pane: The Clear Parent April 8, 2014 / 3:27 pm

    I have met children whose parent’s never say “no.” Perhaps, these parents are not following this women’s philosophy but the kids were very hard to deal with. I believe DRO works better.

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    • neighsayer April 8, 2014 / 5:40 pm

      Yeah, I don’t recommend never saying “no,” my thing is, you can SAY “no,” just don’t punish or force “no” by any means necessary . . . we SAID “no” quite a bit, but we lost many of the ensuing arguments. That is what I recommend.

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  2. Bea Marshall (@BeaTheTree) April 10, 2014 / 7:06 am

    I’m not doing a great dealing of following up the criticisms and concerns but thought I may as well pitch in! I’ve never said that I never say No! Nor do I advocate that as a suitable way to raise kids. That is defined as permissive parenting. I have also never said anything to suggest I don’t agree with boundaries but I approach boundaries very differently (http://beamarshall.com/l/34).

    What I seek to do is to say Yes to who my kids are. To their preferences and their interests. Kids aren’t born to be naughty little boundary pushers. The enter a world where their instinct is to grow up to be an adult that thrives and fits in to the society its part of. Children, unless thwarted, are seeking to get it right, probably all the time. It take 15-20 years to mature as a human but our culture uses arbitrary boundaries to try and get many elements of maturity in place at a very young age.

    Yes Parenting explores many other options as ways to respond before saying No. The media chooses to find the angle and sensationalise it to make money.

    Interestingly a journalist was spending time with my children and I recently. The kids didn’t know she was a journalist. I introduced her as a new friend popping in for a cuppa. After an hour, when the kids went off to do something else she said that my kids were a delight. Previously she shared with me that she decided to count how many times she said No to her children in the course of normal morning routine. She lost count after a dozen. After spending time with my kids and I she let me know that I hadn’t said No once but that every time she thought a typical parent would say No she watched the way I found really different ways to handle it. She said it was inspirational.

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    • neighsayer April 10, 2014 / 12:41 pm

      – sounds like you maybe read the ‘boundaries’ post . . . yes, your post inspired it. I don’t really think there should be none either, I only object to how boundaries are set and enforced. What I react to is that parents who say no so much and punish first and never get around to any other strategy tend to throw up “but kids need boundaries” as their reason/excuse for punishing.

      – I have also had that experience, of visitors finding my kids to be nice to have around. It was one such visit I made once, to a sweet, hippie family that set me on this path. (see my posts “A messy oasis” and “MY journey into parenting.”)

      – I’m trying to figure out if I want my “no-punishment” stance to live under your “Yes parenting” brand. Of course you get to decide that. If you find time, see my posts “The Doctrine in Short Form,” that should tell you if you think we should or shouldn’t be associated. (Not that being associated with me means anything, I have no following.)

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