For not punishing to help anything, it has to start at birth. Not much sense in abusing someone early and then removing the restraints. That is where we’re at now, that’s why the world looks like it’s all going to Hell in a handcart. We control our babies totally, train our toddlers with punishment and “non-violent” means, and then stop when they’re old enough to tell anyone about it! So we piss them off while they’re pre-verbal, and then beg and whine against their infantile rage later, neither them nor us understanding why our teenagers hate us. Ask them what’s wrong, they can’t tell you, and it can’t be cured, the rage comes from the pre-verbal period. That’s another huge part of the puzzle that seeing punishment as violence miraculously solves.
Punishment is a last resort, or it should be. Punishing a human being is the end of communication, it’s where we say ‘I’m done talking to you, have THIS instead.’ The implicit breach of personal trust and caring that comes with every act of punishment creates the situation for the next one. Once we’ve abandoned communication and resorted to physical aversives or “non-physical” aversives that are supported and facilitated by either physical means or intimidation, we’ve lost the better options.
Abuse with an Excuse 